Find and Share the best funny quotes collection by famous authors and comedians. “When you fall, I will be there to catch you – With love, the floor.” Here Are The Best 23 Funny Quotes Ever
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.
Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.
My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’
As your best friend I’ll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s already 6:45. When you’re at work and it’s 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s 2:31.
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
When nothing is going right, go left.
I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I’m scared!
If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
Paper cut: A tree’s final moment of revenge.
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