TOP 45 Funny Quotes (of 500)

Top 45 Funny quotes and sayings “It’s Always Funny listening to someone lie when you already know the Truth.”. Here a more best collection of the TOP 45 Funny Quotes (of 500).

funny quotes about life lessons ” Being Unique is Better… Than Being Perfect..” funny life quotes

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” – Billy Sunday

“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” ― Mark Twain

“They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting.” ― John Green

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” ― Cathy Guisewite

Oh Shit! again I am in love.”

“The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I’d be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.” ― Rachel Vincent

“To answer your question, you want me because I’m made of awesome.” ― Gena Showalter

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.” -Ellen DeGeneres

“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt

“If we’re mad, we’re mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours.” ― Shannon Hale

 I’ve taken up Photography because it’s the only hobby were you can shoot people and cut their heads off without Going to Jail..”

“A real girl isn’t perfect and a perfect girl isn’t real.” ― Harry Styles

“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.” ― Marian Keyes

“Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.”
― Mae West

“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” ― Lily Tomlin

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.” ― Rick Riordan

“Shutup! I Love You, OK? ”

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” ― Winston S. Churchill

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” ― Jerry Seinfeld

“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” ― George Carlin

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra,

“Did you see that dress?” “I saw the dress.” “Did you like it?” He didn’t answer. I took that as a yes. “Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?” When he spoke, I could barely hear him. “You’ll endanger the school.” I smiled and fell asleep.” ― Richelle Mead

“My best Friends is the One. Who brings out the best in me.”

Funny Quotes

1. “LAUGHTER IS A INSTANT VACATION”
2. “Failure is a dress rehearsal for success.”
3. “Have you ever pushed yourself to your limit? Then how do you know that you have one?”
4. “Don’t try to overhaul your life overnight. Instead, focus on making one small change at a time. Over time, those small changes will add up to big transformations. Don’t give up!”
5. “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”
6. “Social media is training us to compare our lives, instead of appreciating everything we are. No wonder why everyone is always depressed.”
7. “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain”
8. “The only thing more beautiful than the woman that knows what she wants is the woman that isn’t waiting on anybody else to get it for her.”
9. “Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. But it’s your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.”
10. “Your journey has molded you for your greater good. And it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think that you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time. -Asha Tyson”
11. “Believe you can &- you’re halfway there. ROOSEVELT”
12. “The devil doesn’t know what to do with somebody who just won’t give up.”
13. “LESSON OF TIME. KARMA, When a bird is alive. It eats Ants. When the bird is dead. Ants eat the bird. Time & Circumstances can change at any time. Don’t devalue or hurt anyone in life. You may be powerful today. But remember. Time is more powerful than you! One tree makes a million match sticks… Only one match stick is needed to burn a million trees… So be good and do good.”
14. “It’s not about how bad you want it, it’s about how hard you’re willing to work for it.”
15. “Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.”
16. “Not all those who Wander are lost, JRR Tolkien”
17. “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”
18. “If you don’t know where you’re going any road will get you there.”
19. “Never judge someone by the opinion of another.”
20. “Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger. BUT THEY WILL NEVER BE YOU.”
21. “You gotta be able to smile through all this bullshit control sometimes life is about risking everything for a dream no one can see but you.”
22. “Don’t just be good to others. Be good to yourself too.”
23. “Quiet people have the loudest minds. – Stephen Hawking”
24. “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. -C.S. Lewis”
25. “Books are a uniquely portable magic. -Stephen King”
26. “You are confined only by the walls you build yourself”
27. “Understand your worth. Value your life. Appreciate your blessings.”
28. “When you say, “I love you”, you are making a promise with someone else’s heart. Try to honor it.”
29. “Great love & great achievements involve great risk.”

“If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves. Thomas Edison”