Top 87 Funny Minions Quotes and Funny Pictures

Top 87+ Funny Minions Quotes and Funny Pictures “I’m currently making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you’re one of them.

Looking for the best minions quotes for laugh. Here is the collection for you “Warning: going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday. Please note that staying awake all night does not prevent Monday. There is no cure.” photo credits Pinterest

Top Funny Minions Quotes

“1. I hate when I forget to press send and I’m sitting there like an idiot waiting for a reply.”

“2. They say that the body is made up of 90% water so… I’m not fat I’m just water logged!”

“3. Shot my first turkey today… scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. I was awesome!”

“4. I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say: “Hey look, that one is shaped like an idiot.””

“5. A relationship isn’t always 50/50. Some days a person will struggle. You suck it up and pick up that 80/20 cause they need you. That’s love.”

“6. Why do people with brains the size of peas have mouths the size of Water Melons?”

“7. Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear… ‘Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep.’”

“8. You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now im scared!”

“9. Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.”

“10. Better days are just around the corner. They’re called… Friday, Saturday and Sunday… I’m so ready for the weekend!”

“11. If someone calls you ‘ugly’ have a good comeback and say ‘Excuse me, I am not a mirror’.”

“12. It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth…”

“13. Don’t make me mad and then tell me to calm down. That’s like shooting someone and then wondering why they’re bleeding.”

“14. When I feel down and someone tells me to “suck it up”. I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and then say “walk if off””

“15. My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.”

“16. My kids call it “yelling” when I raise my voice… But I call it “Motivational speaking” for the selective hearing.”

“17. “Did you just fall?” “Noo. I attacked the floor.””

“18. Is it still morning?”

“19. Sit your down & study”

“20. If god shuts a door, quit banging on it! Whatever was behind it, wasn’t meant for you. Consider the fact that maybe he closed that door because he new you were worth so much more.”

“21. Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.”

“22. A best friend is someone who loves you when you forgot to love yourself.”

“23. I didn’t fall. The floor was lonely so I gave it a hug.”

“24. It’s ok. I’m on 500mgs on fukitol.”

“25. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”

“26. Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with you.”

“27. You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For example: they’re wrapped around your throat. She’s probably upset.”

“28. Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad.”

“29. Kindness makes you the most beautiful person in the world no matter what you look like.”

“30. Some people are like clouds once they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”

“31. No I don’t think you’re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking”

“32. I really love my toilet. We’ve been through a lot of shit together.”

“33. People ask me why is it so hard to trust people. I ask… why is it so hard to keep a promise.”

“34. The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.”

“35. Admit it you pushed a door that says pull”

“36. I may be a bad influence but… Damn, I’m fun!!!”

“37. Shortest horror story: Monday”

“38. One good thing about going through the worst parts of your life, is that you finally get to see the true colors of everyone who said they cared about you.”

“39. If you like someone set them free. If they come back, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.”

“40. Idiots cause stress. Stress causes depression. Depression causes physical ailments. Conclusion: stupid people make me sick.”

“41. People are created to be loved. Things are created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.”

“42. True friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you with something even better.”

“43. If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.”

“44. You know you’re old when your knees give you a more accurate weather forecast than the guy on the tv.”

“45. Every mum gave birth to a child, except my mum. She gave birth to a legend! High five mum!”

Funny Pictures

“46. Welcome! Today’s specials are, lack of sleep, up too early and low on patience. Thank you, please come again.”

“47. The hardest part of my job is.. being nice to stupid people.”

“48. When two people really care about each other, they always find a way to make it work. No matter how hard it is..”

“49. When I die, I want my tombstone to offer free WiFi, just so people will visit more often.”

“50. Just do it… later”

“51. Yeah I’ve got O.C.D old, cranky and dangerous.”

“52. When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, try a hockey stick. Results may vary!!”

“53. Why does toilet paper need a commercial. Who is not buying toilet paper?”

“54. My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry!”

“55. I would like to think I would die a heroic death, but it’s more likely I’ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.”

“56. My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.”

“57. You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me.. I’ll train you! Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have alcohol. Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service. Looking at your best friend and saying: I’ll do it, if you do it. A true friend is someone who thanks you’re a good egg!! Even though they know you’re slightly cracked!”

“58. I have seen better days, but I’ve also seen worse. I don’t have everything I want, but I do have all I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up, my life may not be perfect but I am blessed.”

“59. Remember, anyone can love you when the sun is shining. In the storm you learn who truly cares for you”

“60. Felling so tired that I think I might have that Chinese disease called Dragon Ass.”

“61. They say don’t try this at home… so I’m going to go to my friends house and try it.”

“62. Sometimes I feel ugly. Then I look at my brother and I’m okay!”

“63. I’m not crazy. I prefer the term mentally hilarious.”

“64. Whenever you are sad. Remember, the minions love you.”

“65. What do you call a pig who knows karate? A pork chop!”

“66. I’m just going to relax & enjoy a quiet evening at home… … mainly because I can’t afford to go anywhere or do anything.”

“67. If you see me talking to myself, don’t be alarmed. I’m getting expert advice.”

“68. I’m a girl. I don’t smoke, drink or party every weekend. I don’t sleep around or start drama to get attention. Yes, we still do exist.”

“69. I just stepped on a cornflake. Now I am officially cereal killer.”

“70. I don’t care what you earn, where you live, what you drive, whether you’re fat or thin, tall or short, beautiful or average, rich or poor, smart or not. If you’re my friend, you’re my friend. I accept you for who you are, and that’s all that matters!”

“71. Someone called me lazy today… I almost responded.”

“72. That annoying moment when you are texting someone and auto correct decides to join the conversation.”

Funny Quotes And Minions Quotes

“73. You say I’m dirty minded… …But, how did you understand what I meant?”

“74. Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it..”

“75. I hate mosquitoes. I mean I know I’m delicious but damn!”

“76. Eat whatever you want, and if someone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too.”

“77. It takes real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing. I have that skill..”

“78. Note to self: just because it pops into my head does not mean it should come out of my mouth.”

“79. Don’t judge me just because I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.”

“80. I hate when I’m trying to eat a salad and it accidentally falls in the trash and then I have to eat pizza instead.”

“81. I’m always in trouble for something. It’s just the depth that varies.”

“82. Don’t judge me for the choices I make when you don’t know the options I had to choose from.”

“83. Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

“84. Never sing in the shower singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked, so remember don’t sing”

“85. So how do I tell my boss I don’t want to work anymore but I still want the money?”

“86. Sometimes when I close my eyes I cant see.”

“87. You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.”

Funny Motivational Quotes

“Goal setting is the secret to a compelling future.” — Tony Robbins

“Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus. “ — Alexander Graham Bell

“Be strong. You never know who you are inspiring.”

“If your path is more difficult, it’s because your calling is higher.”

“You don’t need a perfect relationship. All you need is someone who loves your weirdness, wants to spend time with you, and respects you.”

“One man with courage makes a majority.” – Andrew Jackson

“One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.” – Benjamin Disraeli

“Worrying = waste of time. Good and bad things will happen in life. You just have to keep living and not stress over what you can’t control.”

“I love the friends that I haven’t seen for days, weeks, months, or even years and the bond is still strong as ever.”

“Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s natural way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror”

“A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it is committing another mistake.” – Confucius Kongzi