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50 Dirty Jokes to Adults for a good laugh

Learn to live your best life, from home trends and money to parenting, humor and lifestyle celebrations. Those who love dirty jokes and those who say they don’t but are lying. Don’t worry about apologizing for your raunchy sense of humor here.

Funny dirty jokes

Funny dirty jokes

Dirty Jokes

1. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”

2. What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.

3. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

4. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

5. Why are women so bad at carpentry? Holds hand in the air with fingers about four inches apart. Because men keep telling them this is eight inches.

6. How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

7. Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough. From, Pluto.

Adult humor jokes

Adult humor jokes

Best dirty jokes

8. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

9. What did one of the sex worker’s knees say to the other? “How come we spend so little time together?”

10. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? The man.

11. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.

12. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.

13. What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?”

14. “Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

15. “I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”

16. They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

17. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off.

18. A family’s driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. That was just an insect.” “Wow,” the boy replies. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!”

Naughty jokes

Naughty jokes

Dirty jokes for friends

19. What’s the best part about sex with a hundred 20-year-olds? There are a hundred of them.

20. What does a perverted frog say? “Rubbit.”

21. What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”

22. What did the leper say to the sex worker? “Keep the tip.”

23. How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.

24. What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

25. What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him? “Lie to me! Lie to me!”

26. Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you eat that stuff, you’ll eat anything.

27. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.

Dirty jokes for friends

Dirty jokes for friends

Dirty jokes for a good laugh

28. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

29. Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes.

30. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

31. What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

32. A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, arguing which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

33. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

34. Why did the snowman suddenly smile? He could see the snowblower coming.

35. What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter.

36. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

37. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

38. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “It’s just ice cream.”

39. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Dark dirty humor

40. Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

41. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.

42. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

43. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

44. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

45. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.

46. If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

47. “A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum!'” — Gary Delaney

48. “I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at the World Cup–just happy to be there.” — Russell Howard

49. “I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.” — John Waters

50. “I’ll come and make love to you at five o’clock. If I’m late start without me.” — Tallulah Bankhead

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